Take me on the floor .I can't take it any more.Just take me on the floor.I can give you more.

This week I have learnt that you are always one google search, one shrug, one msn update and four years away from your past catching up to you. Its dark but I guess this is life and nature. You realise that you are the under dog, the black horse, the one who got left behind and in all honesty you are a loser. You pick up your bags and your aligator tears and go or do you stay and be strong through it. You asked for appples and you got lemons. You can make lemonade, ent?BUT, you straighten out your back and make yourself a fine merangue. You devour it and love it. Its not about a martyr complex or pride but its about fighting and faith. I don't know if I have it. I might not(most of today, it was not there). Its a fight, it was a fight and if I want that slice, I need to put in the work and so I will. Lots and Lots of it. Every last word, breath, pause and lysozyme.Not that anyone needs to know but the regret will always be there. I admit. Sigh.

I can give you more

Test.

Its chemo. Its official. It is indeed chemo. 16 injections. 1 per 3 weeks for 12 weeks and then 1 every week for the rest. It is fucking cancer. I can't believe it. We all do so much, so much good and lots of bad. I understand that its a test but she is young, and now going to lose another part of herself. Its hard for her. The conversations are limited to haal-chaal, dawai, doctor's visits. There is a sick person who is very lonely and tired. She can't sleep, she can't weep and then there is the family, the visits and the phone calls. I hope that you will be well. Even if every hair follicle has to fall off, its okay because it will help you. I know God is listening and he cares for you and for all of us. He is the kindest and he will get us through. Just.be.strong.

I was standing in the corner with my five best friends. I knew that you were trouble but I couldn't resist.

Summer has a wonderful way of starting off. Its cool, green and beautiful and by mid august, it is sticky and humid. The transition is icky but I guess, it is what it is. Today is the first day of summer school. Well, it was supposed to be until JM decided that jlp was not a proper substitute for my csb requirement. I am pissed, relieved and very confused. I am excited about his243 and hoping that I get in. I hope that I can handle 4 straight hours of class in the same room but at least I have evenings off. I am still going to try nmc and see how it fares compared to the history.

I think that we have finally decided the vacation plans for this summer. Its going to be New York, Atlantic City and Washington all within a four day tour. Its either this or nothing so I am going to take it. I hope that it works out and hopefully Sarah and I can be off this thursday, which works because next monday is Victoria day.

I found the whole scriptures of sorrow album. DOTR has such a nostalgic feeling about it. I was almost in tears. Beautiful. I miss M but they are moving here so its going to be a great re-union.N's reports are good. She will be fine. Talking to A helped yesterday, a lot.

Summer School, Princeton Review and Hart House. Fun stuff. InshAllah.